Dr. Robert Wolf, R.I.P.

Ole Doc Wolf died die udder day. He lived a long time, but finally da oldtimers disease got him. I have two differnt sets a memries a da Doc.
He was one a dose old fashioned GPs who made house calls and I was a little fraid a him because he was only called when I was sick and dose were never plesant memries. And he would often come over ta give us a shot a somethin, usually in an already sensitive spot a da anatmy. But later on after his retirement, I got ta know him as a friend and fellow canasta player. Doc had a special gift of humor, he was da master a da double intender as da French say. He had da ability ta blow a joke by telling da punch line at da beginning a da joke. He would say tings like "Did ya hear da one about da farmers daughter with acute angina?"
"Did ya hear da one about da ramrod: He shoved his ramrod up the barrel of the rifle."

"Did ya hear da one about da boy who masticated: He masticated over a hot plate for over an hour last night."
After a long sitting at da canata table he would say" "Boy, my coccyx is extremely sore .
"Did ya hear da one about da philatelist: Our mailman is an enthusiastic philatelist.
"Did ya hear da one about da fallacious woman : Who knew da girl was so often fallacious?
"Did you know that Uranus is bigger than Earth?"
"As a doctor I was unsure what the female organism looked like."
"Did ya hear da one about da pianist: The boy happily hugged his pianist, eager to start with playing the organ."
"Did ya hear da one about da rectory: The priest spent a lot of his time training altar boys in the rectory."
"I like to be kept abreast of developing situations."
"She broke his heart, right down to the cockles."
"The shipwrecked sailors became so ravenous they were forced to eat their fellow seamen."
"Elvira is a titular Halloween character."
"The cheerleading squad had to be penalized for their racy photos."
I'll miss da old coot.

Dunkirk

Ole Binky Brinkerman died the other day. You mightta seen his obitcheariy in da paper. He was one a my favorite storytellers down at da West Side Senior Citizens Center. Many an afternoon was spent over da canasta table tellin' stories and lies. There was this one that Binky told dat I tink I will never furgit. Binky had made a lot a money after da war with his various inventions and dis story had somethin ta do wid dat. He used ta live in Britain and got drafted inta da army durin WWII. His regiment a da BEF was assigned ta guard da derrriere( ta use da polite French word fer die abutment)of da troops dat were being evacuated on da beaches of Dunkirk. His regiment held out as long as dey could, but were mostly captured by da Germans. He hoped ta catch one a da last boats evacuating. Binky was desperate. Der was one British boat dat some a da local Frenchies were tryin ta get on but da Brits were keepin dem off. He noticed in da crowd one a da local girls from one a da houses (not a home) whose name was Louise. She had been a favorite a his, but we won't go into da sordide details udder dan ta say dat she was well-endowed. She smiled at him, hopin dat he could get her on da boat, but when da boat pulled out and left her on da dock, Bink noticed dat she turned around and pulled down what he called her knickers and dat tatooed across her derriere in big letters was a sign dat said. Objects may appeat ta be bigger than they actually are. Years later, after da war when Bink invented da magnifying rear-view mirror, he had dat phrase stenciled on every one a dem in memory a Louise. Dat's all. As dey say in French: Bon Jovi!