Breather

Well, da Hellcat aka my loverly wife Helen came down wid a touch a da bronchitis and we had ta take her inta da hospital. No, it wasn't da noodle on da lung dat Bob Lewandowski had a while back. After a few days stay dey gave her some antio-biotics and den dey gave her deese breathin' excersises ta do. Dey were funny. She made a face and den reached down and den let out dis deep breat while makin' a funny face. I couldn't help laughin, but she got mad and didn't see da humor in it. Well, later, we took a liddle ride up da Clark Summit and stopped in a big open field so she could do her breathin' exercises, but she scared da turkeys wid her facil expressions. So da farmer came running over to check out what was goin' on, so I tried ta explain to him and den I made da mistake a tryin ta tell a few a die old farmer jokes, not da farmer's daughter jokes. Dat was like telling a Polish joke at da Pulaski fire company convention.
Farmer Joke no. 1:
On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"

To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"
Farmer Joke no. 2:
An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.

"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."

The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."
Farmer Joke No. 3:
A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.