Gone Fishin'

Da Hellcat aka my loverly wife Helen has been pestering me to go on a vacation this year. I tried ta argue wid her dat the price of gas is too high and we couldn't go very far from home den. Bob Lewandowski says ta me dat we can use his cottage on Lake Wapwallopenhouseafeathers. He says that given his condition a recuperation he is unable ta get up der fer a while and I could do him a big favor by staying up der fer a while and get the house all set up for when he can get up der. He says that I can use all his fishin gear. Well, since I like ta fish, I says OK. Da Hellcat can relax and do whatever she wants up der. I likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. The first day we spent setting up da place fer Bob. But da next morning I go out fer several hours of fishing and I caught nothing but flies and bug bites, I decides to take a short nap. Although she isn't familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and o continues ta read her book. Along comes the game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside her and says,"Good morning, Ma'am, what are you doing?" "Reading my book," she replies, thinking isn't that obvious? "You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her. "But officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?" "Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up." "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with rape," says the woman. "But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden. "That's true, but you do have all the equipment." MORAL: Never argue with da Hellcat, ya can't win.
73's from Pops

Dee Air Dat I Breed

Bubbles Lewandowski Bob's loverly wife, formally known as Bubbles Breedlove, called me on der phone dee udder night. She said dat Bob was in da hospital and dat it was serious. Da doctor said dat der were tree noodles on his lungs and dat dey might have ta operate or get a biopsy or someting like dat. So I went down ta da hospital ta see Bob. He looked pretty good. I askered him how he was feeling and he said pretty good considering da incidence. I could wait fer dee udder slipper ta drop so I said wad incidence? Bob said dat earlier in da day dey were hookin him up ta one a deese inhlation terapy machines and da terapist was named Bob Sufletoski, who was kinda bald, and he was chattin wid him and saying how was dat a coincidence dat he was named Bob too and dat he was sorry dat he dee udder Bob was goin bald. Well, just at dat point dee udder Bob musta hit da wrong switch and instead a pumpin' medicine into his lungs da machine began ta vacuum out Bob's lungs. Bob said dat he couldn't breed and dat he passed out and he said it was like one a my mystical vision. He was swimming way unner da water and he couldn't breed and he looked up and saw a bright white object. No, it wasn't da light at da end a da tunnel. It was a big white balloon, no it was two white balloon, den dey turned inta his loverly wife Bubbles who was wearing a white dress and she was bobbin ta da surface and she was pullin him up and den Bob woke up. It turns out dat dey had actually sucked out da tree noodles from his lungs and dat he was completely cured. It would only be a few days a observance der in da hospital and he could go home. Bob decided not ta sue dee udder Bob because he was cured, but he said it was hard dat afternoon ta get rid a da raft a lawyers dat had come ta his room and wanted him ta sue dee udder Bob. I said it was a good ting dat you weren't being operated on by a proctologist named Doug. When I went back ta visit Bubbles, she attributed dis all ta to da miraculous intervention a Saint Mavis who wa da saint in charge a workin' lung miracles. She had been prayin ta her real hard. It musta been a miracle.
73's
from Pops