The Frog and the Butterfly

Well we got da usual Christmas activities down at da Westside Senior Citizen Center. So I went down to a talk by Jean Gingerello. She was a motivational speaker and her topic was "How ta cope wid da Hollyday Stress" I was a very interesting talk with a lot of practical suggestions about staying motivated and uplifted, but der was a particular moment in da program dat lifted me up. She was talking about a female iceskater who used practical objects as motivation cymbals. She said, or I taught she said, she wore a little picture of a frog on one boob to motivate her ta leap high like a frog and a butterfly on da udder boob to motivate her ta land like a butterfly. I raised my hand ta ask da oblvious question on which boob was da frog da left or da right? Laughter broke out and den she said that she had said boot, not boob. I said maybe you shouldda said skates. Boy I gotta get my hearing checked.

Christmas Cheer

We have with us today a special guest:
Shameless Hickey, poet laureate of the Westside Trombone and Elbow Bending Marching Society with apologies to the unknown author of the lyrics to O Tannenbaum and the unknown composer of the music

O Christmas Duck! O Christmas Duck!
Your wings are so uplifting;
O Christmas Duck! O Christmas Duck!
Your wings are so uplifting;
Not only do the hunters shoot,
But also the owls don’t give a hoot.
O Christmas Duck! O Christmas Duck!
Your wings are so uplifting!

O Christmas Duck! O Christmas Duck!
Much pleasure you have given me;
O Christmas Duck! O Christmas Duck!
Much pleasure you have given me;
How often has the Christmas Duck
Afforded me the greatest luck!
O Christmas Duck! O Christmas Duck!
Much pleasure you have given me.

O Christmas Duck! O Christmas Duck!
Your quacks honk so madly!
O Christmas Duck! O Christmas Duck!
Your quacks honk so badly!
Then fly away out of range
And then your honks won’t sound so strange.
O Christmas Duck! O Christmas Duck!
Your quacks honk so badly!

O Christmas Duck! O Christmas Duck!
How richly God has flecked you!
O Christmas Duck! O Christmas Duck!
How richly God has respected you!
From bay to river fly so high
You are a gift I cannot buy
O Christmas Duck! O Christmas Duck!
Cause I can’t give a flying duck.

White Water At Last

Well, da Hell Kat aka my loverly wife Helen came up wid a new Chinese food recipe which she said she just hadda try out on me. You know where this is goin' already. It was Chinese Chicken Curry. I said dat dat sounds a liddle dangerous mixin' da Indian stuff like curry wid da Chinese stuff. She said dat dey do it all da time. So it turned out ta be quite delicious and I finished off a big glass of Royal Crown Cola and den a prune juice, which combo I call da Royal Flush and den when I went ta da batroom ta shake da lew off the dilly I got quite a shock. Da pee was comin out in all kinds a colors like blue and green and a kinda funky purple. I musta screamed cause da Hell Kat screamed and I said call da ambulance. Dr. Lou down in da emergency room said dat der was nothing ta worry about if der was no blood; it was just some kinda chemical reaction. College kids do dis fer pranks he said. Large quantities of blue curacao or creme de menthe work for blue and green. A few drops of methylene blue can turn urine anywhere from light green to dark blue, depending on how much you use. It's often used as a prank. Dr. Lou suggested dat I go ta da urologist ta be sure and after da analysis, da doctor, Dr. Richard Hertz, said da chemicals have been showing up in various foods or food additions imported from China. I felt relieved and dat night I had a dream of a Chinese guy dressed sorta like Charlie Chan in dose old movies. He threw some powder over da Yellow River and it turned white and da Chinese began screaming and yellin and runnin' in all directions. It was quite a scene. I felt much better da next day.
Chinese Chicken Curry Recipe
6 tablespoons oil
1 medium onion, chopped
2 tomatoes, chopped
2 tablespoons curry powder
2 tablespoons soy sauce
2 teaspoons minced peeled fresh ginger
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 teaspoon ground turmeric
1 teaspoon chili powder
1/2 pound boiling potatoes, cut into 1-inch cubes
1 cup canned chicken broth
1 tablespoon dry white wine
2 pounds boneless skinless chicken breast halves, cut into 2-inch pieces
Salt and pepper

Heat 6 tablespoons oil in wok or heavy large skillet over medium-high heat. Add onion and stir-fry until translucent, about 5 minutes. Add tomatoes and next 6 ingredients and stir 4 minutes. Mix in potatoes, broth and wine. Cover and simmer 10 minutes. Add chicken; cover and cook until potatoes are tender and chicken is cooked through, about
10 minutes. Season to taste with salt and freshly ground pepper.

The Road Trip

After the ribbin' I took from the guys down at Jimmy the Geek's garage, I wanted ta show da world dat da Yugo could do a road tip. Bob Lewandowski and his loverly wife Bubbles had been suggestin' dat we take a trip up ta wine country in da Finger Lakes. So I took da Yugo and Bob took his new Suburu Forester and we headed up Route 14 wis da wives and hit all the wine hot spots. We started drinkin or samplin if ya wanta be more Gentile, at da Fox Run Vineyards wid a liddle a da Fox Run Sparkling Wine, Riesling, Ruby Vixen Fulkerson Wine Cellars wid a liddle a da Pinot Noir Glenora Wine Cellars wid a liddle a da Gewurztraminer, J.Wiemer Vineyard Cuveé Brut Rosé 2003. Me n Bob were feelin no pain so da girls were worried about us, but we drove back down ta da Relax Inn in beauterful downtown Montour Falls at around sunset and dropped da girls off and me n Bob got inta da Yugo and decided to see what we could getter up ta. We headed down Route 414, but it was kinda residential so I kepr it kinda slow, but we came ta dis big oval racetrack and da gate was open so I figgered nobody'd mind if we used it fer a while. So we took a coupla spins around and den I letter rip and got it upta 87ph and den da whole muffler system blew off and we sounded like a rocket blastin off. Just den we were surrounded by a bunch a police cars from Montour Falls and Watkins Glen and were arrested fer trespassin, noise ordinance violations, drivin while intoxibrated, and violatin' da laws a physics, when dey saw dat I was drivin' a Yugo. We made bail and contacted a local law firm: 2 bald guys whose billboards and ads were all over New York State - The Law Firm of Carnage and Mayhem. Bob drove us back home in da Suburu and da last I heard da Yugo was being analyzed by scientists from da Cornel Aeronautical Laboratory

The Renault Scenic

The old car was makin' da noises in da back wheels so I took it down ta my mechanic Jimmy the Geek. I must be my cheerful disposition because the boys in da garage are always laughin' when I pullin with my tricked out Renault Scenic. Jimmy tells me dat it's da rear wheel cylinders. Dey will often need replacin at a major service time. The only way ta check fer dis is ta remove da brake drums and wheel hubs. If da brake fluid has been changed on time (every 2 years or 24,000 miles dis is much less likely to be a problem). Since I had no ideer what he was talkin' about I figured I had a problem. Da car has completed over 150,000 miles, he said da potential bill would be $250 per rear wheel, not includin' da labor, but dat I woudda had six monts ta wait fer da part ta come from da factory in Outer Uzbekistan. I said dis isn't gunna work. I'd da hada get a new car so I went down ta my friend Francisco's Used Mexican cars lot and he sold me another one ov his tricked out specials - a Yugo dat he had somehow brought up ta U.S. and Pennsylvania inspection standards. So I made a mistake a showin' off by bringin my tricked out Yugo down ta Jimmy's Garage. This launched a barrage a Yugo jokes, some a whic I can't repeat on a family show, but are da highlights or maybe lowlights:
Q: How do you upgrade a Yugo car? A: Put in an engine.
A. "TRADE IT FOR A TRABBANT"� (the late great East German "people's car")
A. "PARK IT NEXT TO A PORTAJOHN.....AND LEAVE IT UNLOCKED"
A. "CRUSH IT AND USE IT FOR TRACTION BALLAST IN YOUR BIG DOG Ford F-150 TRUCK"
Q: Why do Yugos have heated rear windows?
A: To keep your hands warm when you're pushing them.
Q: What goes on pages 4-5 of the Yugo user's manual?
A: The COLTS bus schedule.
A man goes inta Autozone: "Can I have a windshield wiper for my Yugo please?"
Parts man: "Yeah, dat seems like a fair swap."
Q: What is the sport-version of Yugo?
A: The driver wears Nike shoes.
Q: What do you call a Yugo at the top of a hill?
A: A miracle.
Q: What do you call two Yugos at the top of a hill?
A: A mirage.
Q: What do you call a Yugo with dual exhausts?
A: A wheelbarrow
Q: How do you double the value of a Yugo?
A: Half fill it with gasoline!
Q: How do you make a Yugo look good?
A: Park it between two Cadillacs!
Q: What to you call a Yugo with brakes?
A: Customized.
Q: What do you have to do if your Yugo gets in the way of a swarm of killer bees?
A: Stop pushing and take refuge in da car.
Q: What is da Yugo owner's most ardent wish?
A: To buy a car.
Q: How do you make a Yugo go faster uphill?
A: Throw out da passenger.
Q: How do you make a Yugo go faster downhill?
A: Turn off the engine.
Q: What do you call a Yugo with a flat tire?
A: A write off.

Making Ice Cream in a Time of Global Warming

I intended to go to a lecture on humor in the Catholic Church, but I must have had the wrong room number because I ended up in a lecture on Astronomy and Physics. It was given by an Irish sounding professor with flamin red hair who spoke excitedly and bounced around a lot with lots of energy:
Astronomers have found an enormous void in space that measures nearly a billion light-years across.

It is empty of both normal matter - such as galaxies and stars - and the mysterious "dark matter" that cannot be seen directly with telescopes.

The "hole" is located in the direction of the Eridanus constellation and has been identified in data from a survey of the sky made at radio wavelengths.

The discovery will be reported in a paper in the Astrophysical Journal.

Previous sky surveys that have traced the large-scale structure of the nearby Universe have long shown, for example, how the clustering of galaxies is strung into vast filaments and sheets that are separated by great gaps.

But the void discovered by a University of Minnesota team is about 1,000 times the volume of what would be expected in typical cosmic gaps.

"It's hard even for astronomers to picture how big these things are," conceded Minnesota's Professor Lawrence Rudnick.

"If you were to travel at the speed of light, it would take you several years to get to the nearest stars in our own Milky Way galaxy; but if you were to go to this hole and enter one side, you'd have to travel for a billion years before you would get to the other side," he told BBC News.

The void is roughly 6-10 billion light-years away and takes a sizeable chunk out of the visible Universe in its direction.

Dark evidence

The team used data from the US National Radio Astronomy Observatory's VLA Sky Survey (NVSS) to make its discovery. The VLA - which stands for Very Large Array - is a collection of 27 radio telescopes in New Mexico.

The finding is said to fit neatly with observations of the Universe's "oldest light" - the famous Cosmic Microwave Background (CMB) radiation, the study of which has earned several scientists the Nobel Prize.

This is the radiation that comes from just 380,000 years after the Big Bang when the Universe had cooled to such a degree that hydrogen atoms could exist. Before that time, scientists say, the Universe would have been so hot that matter and light would have been "coupled" - the cosmos would have been opaque.


THE CMB - OLD AND COLD
CMB (Rudnick et al., NRAO/AUI/NSF, NASA)
Nasa Probes have mapped the Cosmic Microwave Background which is all around us in space
This radiation from the infant Universe shines at weak radio (microwave) wavelengths
The maps show up tiny temperature fluctuations - the mottled colours above
These fluctuations correspond to the early distribution of matter in the fledgling cosmos
Nasa's WMap satellite sees a cold spot lying in the path of the newly found void

'Ancient light' takes Nobel
Today, this light shines at microwave wavelengths at a frigid -270C; and observations of the CMB made by Nasa's Wilkinson Microwave Anisotropy Probe show a particular "cold spot" in the direction of the newly identified void.

The explanation for this may lie in the enigmatic "dark energy" that scientists know so little about but which is said to be accelerating the expansion of the Universe.

Light particles passing through the void would be expected to lose a little more energy than those passing through space cluttered with matter - if dark energy is stretching the Universe apart at a faster and faster rate.

Scientists refer to this as the Integrated Sachs-Wolfe Effect and a corresponding "warm spot" in the CMB associated with an area of space dominated by a supercluster of galaxies was identified some years ago.

"In essence, this latest study gives us a very elegant demonstration of the existence of dark energy in a way which is very convincing," commented Professor Carlos Frenk, the director of the Institute for Computational Cosmology at Durham University, UK.

"We keep getting evidence for dark energy, this component of the Universe which is so dominant, and yet we still have only a tiny glimmer of what it could be."

The reason the void exists is not known. "That's going to be a challenge for people that work on the development of structure in the Universe. It's a very hot topic in the cosmology right now," said Professor Rudnick.
this space of nothing (reminds me of one of Stanislov
Lem's "Robot Tales" (trans to Eng as "The Cyberiad") where
a scientist creates a machine that can destroy anything
starting with (i think) the "letter" n. (plays MP sketch
on continuous repeat while dusts off maths part of me brain)..

So, let's see

1 billion (is that 10^9 - ie, US usage of "billion" or
10^12 ?)
regardless - assuming 10^9.... (notice those handy little decimal points!! ;)

Milky Way Gallaxy is about 30_000 LY's across (lenght-wise; pls ahem me if i'm wrong).

So, that works out to about 33_000 MW Galaxy's across.

The Earth (see map) is about 13_000 km across and is about 150M km from the sun,

So, we could stretch out a line of 11645 Earths from earth-orbit to the sun
and that space would STILL be THREE TIMES that large - relatively.

Or, The distance to the nearest star is 4-1/3 light years (Alpha Centauri - or is
that Barnard's star?) anyway,

(puts tounge in side of mouth and squinches up right eye,
raises left-eyebrow "Spock"-like)

300_000 km /sec * 31*10^7 secs / year gives 9.3 trillion (10^12) km/LY

So, Alpha centauri is about 40 Trillion km away

The solar system is about 10 AU (Astronomical units across - dist from earth to sun)

I think that works out to about 3300 SOLAR SYSTEMS from here to Alpha Centari
and this BIG NOTHINGNESS (Perhaps we should be calling it MISTER NOTHINGNESS?
Or are nothingnesses considered female? - nether?)
is STILL TEN TIMES that.

Now for the punch line:

If only we send a probe there - after all, with that much nothingness
(like the article sed) the physics would REALLY be ultra-FLAT space!
Just imagine being able to try to detect gravity waves there!

Or of course, prob those nasty real estate people would step in and the
next thing you'd know is there'd be a McDonalds on every other corner.

The Shad(e)y Lady

Bob and Bubbles Levandoski decided ta go down ta Florida ta take advantage of the low rates during da hot summer. They planned to stay at the same motel where they spent their honeymoon years earlier, The Shadey Rest Inn. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate der travel plans. So, Bob left Minooka and flew to Florida on Tursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

Bob checked into da motel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided ta send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally added one letter in her email address, which is shadylady@aol.com, maybe because a da influence a da motel name, and without realizing his error, sent the email. The arrival a dat email Bob learned about from a repl;y email sent ta him a few days later. It seems dat, somewhere in Houston, a widow named Yvette Shade had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister, the Rev. Larry Shade who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages a conderlences from relatives and friends. After reading the first message which was from Bob, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son, Gary Shade rushed inta da room, found his mother on da floor, and saw da email from Bob on da computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!

I wan ta apolergize a right now fer last week's domission a da repeat broadcast. Dat was just da ninth ur tenth ting dat I fergot durin da week. I went down ta da doctor ta have my brain checked out and I tole him dat I was havin trouble remembering tings. He said Did ya remember ta pay dat last bill I sent you? Asked me a long list of questions and den he ran it through some kinda scannin machine--da answer paper went in back and forth and scanned dose little dots dat ya fill out wid a no. two pencil. Den he looked at the results on da computer screen and said dat I had a type short term memory loss dat was called ambinesia- I forget tings dat just happened and I can't remember tings dat I am supposed ta do in da near future. He said not ta worry. He said just take some a dat ginko balboa and try not ta forgit ta take it.
Dis all reminded me a sometin dat happen to my fadder: Grandpops McGonigle. He and his wife were gunna celebrate der fiftieth anniversary and he went down ta see da Monsignor at St. Mary's in da Greenwood ta say a Mass fer de anniversary. Da Monsignor said sure and Grandpops said he had a special favor ta ask: could he say a few words at da ceremony, given da state of divorce and tings like dat. The Monsignor said sure. He asked do You have any special celebration planned? Well evry year, granpops said, I take her on a trip . Fer our twenty-fifth I took her to Ireland. And what are ya gunna do fer da fiftieth, the monsignor asked. I' m Plannin anudder trip ta Ireland ta pick her back up.

The Smaller Set

Today's blog and popcast is sponsored by an underwriting grant from Pee Wee's Towing and Auto Repair.
The loverly wife Helen, aka the Hell Cat, noticed that I was getting a little restless wid de upcoming holiday and all da grillin dat had ta be done, so she said why don't you stop worrying about it and go and do sumthin useful fer somebody. The Fourth of July was coming up, and so I went down ta da West Side Country Day school ta volunteer ta help da liddle brats, no I mean cooking da brats on da grill you know, da knockwursts. The nursery school teacher, Helen Pikonis, took da opportunity to tell da class about patriotism. "We live in a great country," she said. "One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free." One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said. . . .
"I'm not free. I'm four."

Gone Fishin'

Da Hellcat aka my loverly wife Helen has been pestering me to go on a vacation this year. I tried ta argue wid her dat the price of gas is too high and we couldn't go very far from home den. Bob Lewandowski says ta me dat we can use his cottage on Lake Wapwallopenhouseafeathers. He says that given his condition a recuperation he is unable ta get up der fer a while and I could do him a big favor by staying up der fer a while and get the house all set up for when he can get up der. He says that I can use all his fishin gear. Well, since I like ta fish, I says OK. Da Hellcat can relax and do whatever she wants up der. I likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. The first day we spent setting up da place fer Bob. But da next morning I go out fer several hours of fishing and I caught nothing but flies and bug bites, I decides to take a short nap. Although she isn't familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and o continues ta read her book. Along comes the game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside her and says,"Good morning, Ma'am, what are you doing?" "Reading my book," she replies, thinking isn't that obvious? "You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her. "But officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?" "Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up." "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with rape," says the woman. "But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden. "That's true, but you do have all the equipment." MORAL: Never argue with da Hellcat, ya can't win.
73's from Pops

Dee Air Dat I Breed

Bubbles Lewandowski Bob's loverly wife, formally known as Bubbles Breedlove, called me on der phone dee udder night. She said dat Bob was in da hospital and dat it was serious. Da doctor said dat der were tree noodles on his lungs and dat dey might have ta operate or get a biopsy or someting like dat. So I went down ta da hospital ta see Bob. He looked pretty good. I askered him how he was feeling and he said pretty good considering da incidence. I could wait fer dee udder slipper ta drop so I said wad incidence? Bob said dat earlier in da day dey were hookin him up ta one a deese inhlation terapy machines and da terapist was named Bob Sufletoski, who was kinda bald, and he was chattin wid him and saying how was dat a coincidence dat he was named Bob too and dat he was sorry dat he dee udder Bob was goin bald. Well, just at dat point dee udder Bob musta hit da wrong switch and instead a pumpin' medicine into his lungs da machine began ta vacuum out Bob's lungs. Bob said dat he couldn't breed and dat he passed out and he said it was like one a my mystical vision. He was swimming way unner da water and he couldn't breed and he looked up and saw a bright white object. No, it wasn't da light at da end a da tunnel. It was a big white balloon, no it was two white balloon, den dey turned inta his loverly wife Bubbles who was wearing a white dress and she was bobbin ta da surface and she was pullin him up and den Bob woke up. It turns out dat dey had actually sucked out da tree noodles from his lungs and dat he was completely cured. It would only be a few days a observance der in da hospital and he could go home. Bob decided not ta sue dee udder Bob because he was cured, but he said it was hard dat afternoon ta get rid a da raft a lawyers dat had come ta his room and wanted him ta sue dee udder Bob. I said it was a good ting dat you weren't being operated on by a proctologist named Doug. When I went back ta visit Bubbles, she attributed dis all ta to da miraculous intervention a Saint Mavis who wa da saint in charge a workin' lung miracles. She had been prayin ta her real hard. It musta been a miracle.
73's
from Pops

Doggone It! Almost...

The spring wedder has brought me n da dog Dugger out fer more walks and I noticed dat he was walking kinda funny like and I got a liddle worried about him. Da Hell Cat aka my loverly wife Helen said dat der was a pet food scare. Pet owners were jamming their veterinarians' phone lines with concerns about their pets becoming sick.

More than 60 million cans of dog and cat food were recalled Friday by Menu Foods of Streetsville, Ontario, which makes the store brands for companies such as Wal-Mart, Kroger and Safeway. The company also makes food for brand-name pet food companies, including Iams, PetCare and Science Diet. Why Am I paying da big price fer da Mighty Fang dog food if it's all comin from da same place???

The company recalled certain gravy-style foods sold in cans and pouches made from Dec. 3 to March 6 after hearing complaints that an unknown number of cats and dogs that ate the food had kidney failure, and about 10 died.

On Monday, the government reported that a study conducted by Menu Foods found that as many as one in six animals died after eating the suspect foods.

A federal investigation is now focusing on wheat gluten as the likely source of contamination that sparked the recall, said Stephen F. Sundlof, the Food and Drug Administration's top veterinarian. The ingredient, a protein source, is commonly used as filler.
Called the vet Wanda Yolanda. She said if he had symptoms ta bring him in. Helen was crying when I brought da dog ta da vet. Da vet examined him and said dat it was not food poisoning or kidney failure. It was just old age. That was a relief. I pet da old coot a lot more fondly now.
73's from Pops.

I don't want ya ta tink, by da way, dat deese postings here on da web mean dat I'm some kinda techinical genius. I git help for da web stuff from my technical assistant Tom Tretyakovsky. He had a lot uv experience in da newspaper business and got inta da newer technolgies (well, at least newer dan da linotype machine). When some a da newspapers resisted da change a tings to da web, he would get fired from his job, so he decided ta start his own business for web publickations. He calls his compant 3T which stands for Tom's Tecknicle Tentacles. I told him dat he hasta be careful wid da pronunciation a dat last word der. He invited me over da udder day to see summa a da new high tech projects dat he is working on. He said dat he was working on a new kinds instant messaging ting dat might have impliction in da advertising business: He put on dis kinda headband dat he said gave a mild electrical charge ta yer forehead and den a liddle spray nozzle blew a coat of fine black ash across da forehead and produced a message on da forehead. He said dat did would be a new way a gettin news flashes ta da public and den if ya take this special light version a tape dat he had ya had a sorta print out. I said whada ya gonna call it? He said dat he haddn't taught uv a name yet. I said: Why don't you call it Flash Your Ash? He liked dat so he copyrighted da name and gave me a cut in da royalties. I said dat was nice, but de idea was not new. Da Katliks have been doin dat fer centuries.

Skids Lonergan passed away the other day. I saw his obituary in the paper but I didn't have a chance to go to the funeral or the wake. He died in a tragic skiing accident at the Sonny Bono state park in the Sierra Nevada mountains of California. Some one, it seems had strung out a chain to close one of the ski trails and Skids didn't see it with all the snow flying around. A lot of memories of Skids came into my brain after I read the obit about him. He got the nickname "Skids" because one winter he used those old wooden pallets to make skis which he called skids. Mostly he did this down in the back of St. Mary's in the Greenwood. He developed some pretty interesting manoeuvers. He had a drinkin problem in his teen years so some say that this nickname was from the fact that he was on the skids or that his family which was poor was having problems paying the bills. He had an old souped up Chevy that he used to peel out with and leave skid marks on the pavement. I guess that was what we remembered the most. Kids in the neighborhood even used to call his mother Mrs. Skids. Ah, the memories!

Hi, I'm your guest hostess, Lola Bendkowski. I'm substituting for Pops McGonigle today because he had to take his dog Dugger to the vet and this was the only time slot that he could git an appointment . Nothing serious, so don't worry. I'm a waitress down at the Dunkin' Donuts in Moosic and that's how I got to know Pops, who hangs out there with a couple of his friends, like Bob Levandowski and his lovely wife Bubbles. I got this voice, which Pops calls unique, by smoking a lot of Pall Malls. Pops said to come on and just talk about yourself and that's what I'm going to do. I think it was my mistake that got me in all this when I told Pops that I had been in show business, so he said then I could surely help him out today. I'm from Buffalo as you can probably tell. When refering to general areas in Buffalo, the following designations are used: North Buffalo, South Buffalo, East Side and West Side. The words "Buffalo" and "Side" are not interchangable; It is considered incorrect Buffalo English to refer to "East Buffalo" or the "North Side. Confusing the three Tonawandas There are three contiguous suburbs of Buffalo with "Tonawanda"
in their name. This often causes confusion to outsiders normally used
to suburbs all having different names. "Tonawanda Township," or simply "Tonawanda, is the largest, a middle class community of around 85,000 residents located directly north of Buffalo. The "City of Tonawanda" is an older, smaller incorporated city located in the north section of Tonawanda Township, where the Niagara River-East Branch meets Tonawanda Creek "North Tonawanda" is in Niagara County, not Erie County. I used to work at the Old palace Burlesque on Main Street. My act was a classic fan dance with long bird feather fans and I used a bird with the act. His name was Ferdinand and his was my only friend during some of those lonely years. I got good reviews for my act and I was a favorite with the heart surgeons because a lot of guys got heart attacks by the time I finished my act. Ferdinand would perch on my shoulder and would get a good view of the action as the pasties with tassels would twirl and twirl. One reviewer said that old Eddie Rickenbacker used to come and watch my act to rev up his propeller. Gravity, not age is the enemy of all girls. So I had to retire. Later, in the late 60's, after the old Palace Burlesque on lower Main St. had been razed, a new Palace Burlesque opened on Main Street. It was further up Main on the other side of the street. It either took over Shea's Teck Theater and opened there or in another building very close by. It had live burlesque just like the old Palace. So, there were two Palace Burlesque theaters in downtown Buffalo at different times. Moved to Scranton and got into the donut business, so now I'm giving them heart attacks in other ways. Bye. See ya next time, sailor.

Tubby Tolliver was arrested for fraud embezzlement and forgery. I knew him as a fat kid in the Greenwood section.
Looked pretty thin in the news photos.
Cy Tolliver, his father, started out as a notorious tavern and brothel owner in Scranton. His son Tubby (real name Tremulous) had a lengthy background in higher education, he earned his bachelors, masters
and doctoral degrees at Indiana University. He learned at an early age the art of collaboration with women. He worked his way through school by taking odd jobs, Airline Seat Tester with Wilma Butfit, Anger Management Consultant with Joanne Slowburner, Arbitration Expert with Viola Fuss, Air Traffic Controller with Ulanda U. Lucky coming at his last academic post at Sally Howe Institute of Technology,
to North Dagestan State U from the Arthur J. Kankan School of Excitement,
University of Scranton, Scranton, Pa., where he was the dean
and professor of excitement. He was inducted into the Hall of Erudite and Learned Letters in 1985.
Prior to that, he was associate
dean for graduate and international programs and MBA
director at Virginia Polytubnic Institute and State University.
His other professional work experience includes positions
with Texas FM University, University of Wisconsin-Madson,
Northeast Louisiana University where he had a brief fling with Asst. Fleet Manager at Hertz, Lisa Carr and the University of
Nebraska-Lincoln Ford Mercury campus where he was Commencement Speaker with Gladys Overwith.